Aaron Galvin & The 4:00 a.m. 'Intruder'

*The following is a true story.

SCENE: It’s 4:00 a.m. Karen wakes Aaron. Whispers… “I heard something downstairs…”
 
In two seconds, Aaron is out of bed and through the bedroom door, stepping into the pitch-black hallway. He peers down the darkened stairwell. He waits…listening for the ‘supposed’ intruder his wife heard…
 
Nothing… No noise at all.
 
Aaron quietly descends the steps like the ninja he was always meant to--
 
“LET IT GOOOOO! LET IT GO! I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKYYYYYYY—“
 
Aaron stumbles on a motion-sensored/singing Elsa doll that his youngest daughter, Briar, conveniently left on the steps like a ‘Home Alone’ burglar trap. Aaron slips and falls, the clanged sound of his body knocking against the metal stairway railing echoing throughout the house.

And throughout it all, Elsa keeps singing… “LET IT GO! LET IT GOOOOO! YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME CRYYYYY!”
 
Aaron stops himself from falling down any further steps. Cursing the movie Frozen, Elsa, and especially THAT song, he grabs the Elsa doll and...
 
Karen turns on the overhead hallway lights without warning, blinding Aaron. Through her cackling, she asks: “What are you doing down there?”
 
Aaron ignores her, his mind filled with violent thoughts of breaking this God-forsaken Elsa doll in half, if only because that might stop the incessant singing.
 
“LET IT GOOOOO! LET IT GO! I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKYYYYYYY—“
 
From upstairs, (and over Karen’s continued cackling), Aaron hears his eldest daughter tiredly ask: “What are you guys doing down there? Why are you playing with that doll for?”
 
Aaron is livid. For the love of all things holy and sacred, he cannot find Elsa’s ‘OFF’ switch…
 
“LET IT GO! LET IT GOOOO! YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME CRYYYYY!”
 
…and so he throws the doll across the room, onto the couch, where it FINALLY goes quiet with nothing to trigger its motion sensor.
 
Aaron ascends the stairwell. He’s about to turn off the hallway light when he sees Briar standing in her crib… Aaron growls. “Lay down, Briar. Go to sleep.”
 
Briar grins back at him. Then, in the softest, sweetest voice imaginable, she whispers. “Let it go…let it go…”
 
**On a related note, if anyone is looking to install an overly expensive alarm system in their home, I highly recommend you instead look into Disney’s motion-activated, singing Elsa doll. It’ll literally wake up *everyone* in your house if an intruder tries breaking in.